Brides who choose their bridesmaids without enough thought beforehand can rue the day in the long run. Making sure to select bridal attendants who are truly excited to be involved in the wedding as well as who are actually supportive in real life makes all the difference. Avoid the drama by choosing wisely, rather than through rose-colored emotional glasses. Keep in mind, while you can always ask someone to be in your wedding, it is not an invitation you can take back.

Take a look at our top three tips to help you avoid sticky bridal party situations:

1. Don’t Rush the Ask.

Yes, you’re tremendously excited that he just proposed, and by all means, you should be! But bide your time before turning around and immediately popping the question to your girlfriends. Instead, share your happy news as an announcement and delicately skip the “bridesmaid” subject altogether for the time being. Let the dust settle and think carefully before letting the emotion of the moment take you down a road you’ll regret later. You first need to discuss your wedding party thoughts with your groom to decide how you want it to function as a whole. Remember, you’re in this together and each decision has repercussions. Particularly this one. Next, you need to consider your wedding planning in terms of budget, location and guest count.

2. It’s Not Just About You. Think of How Being Asked Will Affect Your Friends.

While an honor to be chosen, the role of “bridesmaid” comes with responsibilities for each woman. So keep your friends’ real life situations in mind before asking them. For many ladies, they may find themselves in a circle of friends that is heading to the altar in the same year. Meaning, some of your friends may be a bridesmaid in many weddings in a short time frame. That’s tough on the pocket book and the work schedule. You might also have a friend finishing up her doctorate or in her last year of medical school; perhaps several wedding obligations across the country may be an impossiblity for her. Then there’s the sister or sister-in-law with a posse of small kids to wrangle on a regular basis. Instead of putting these fine friends on the spot, let them attend the wedding as a guest. Or, give them a simple wedding day task that won’t add additional stress to their everyday lifestyles.  

3. Don’t Fall Prey to the Pressure.

As with every aspect of wedding planning, choosing bridesmaids comes with expectation strings attached. But savvy bridesmaid selection is not based on who is family, or whose weddings you were in as a bridesmaid or those old childhood promises. Your bridesmaids are your rocks in the storm and your cheerleaders during the process. Rather than give in to parental pressures or not-so-subtle hints from your friends, make sure you pick the ladies who will support you in healthy, loving and responsible ways. If that means you have a small bridal party, then fine, quality over quantity always wins. But to give in and ask someone that you’d rather not have will only breed resentment later. And that, my dears, is a shame.

Keeping these thoughts in mind before filling up the roster will ensure you head towards building a team of enthusiastic, supportive, and helpful bridesmaids.  And remember, be kind, appreciative and gracious to your ladies in waiting… taking them for granted will dampen their spirits and damage your friendship long after the wedding is over.