At the beginning of most relationships little tokens of affection, from love letters, to texts in the middle of the day to say “I love you” and spontaneous getaway trips, help secure a couple’s sense of togetherness. But those thoughtful gifts often wane as a relationship matures into a deeper connection. Even finding the right gift for birthdays and holidays can start to feel like a challenge or obligation.

But we all know that a giving mentality becomes even more important as a relationship evolves and deepens with the promises of forever, and some of the very best presents couples can give each other aren’t those that can be wrapped. They’re the thoughts and gestures that come straight from the heart and can transform a good partnership into a truly sensational relationship. ACTIONS  that you perform are the most important. SHOWING your beloved how you feel goes a long way into creating a warm, loving lifetime partnership.

Just days away from Christmas and New Year’s, it’s the time of year when presents are on everyone’s mind. But while you’re picking out that fabulous cashmere wrap for her, or that incredible watch for him… just remember, the best gifts you can give each other are the gifts only YOU can provide, such as:

Speaking Each Other’s Language

Each of us wants to feel loved by our partner and wants our partner to feel loved by us. The challenge is that the way one person shows love often isn’t the way his or her partner intuitively feels it. Tr to identify and share your own “love language” with each other… Do you need warm words of affirmation or encouragement? Do you need lots of  your partner’s undivided attention? Do you need real gifts that show your partner has paid attention to what you love? (this could be a pair of earrings or a flower picked in a meadow); Do you need lots of physical affection, from holding hands to long hugs and/or plenty of kisses? Or, do you need to see your partner doing things like making dinner, emptying the garbage or picking up groceries? What is your own definition of being loved? If you know it already, or can figure that out, share it with your partner and see what happens.

Keeping the Passion Fires Burning

Passion often gets sidelined as a couple gets more established or gets distracted or overwhelmed with the stress of life. But there are far-ranging benefits to keeping the fires burning. Let’s admit it, when we feel desired by our partner we open up more, and share more of ourselves. Good sex has many benefits, like building connection and trust, increasing feelings of generosity and self-esteem and reducing stress.

Giving Each Other Space

Just because you’re now a couple doesn’t mean you don’t need emotional space to reflect and reconnect with yourselves. Every individual needs to reconnect with who they are on a regular basis. Allowing that to happen without repercussions is the greatest gift a partner can give. More simply, give each other the gift of space. A night out with friends, a morning bike ride alone, a wedding planning free weekend or a Sunday morning to read the paper, whatever. The time spent on your own not only helps repair yourselves but also strengthens your relationship.

Having Fun Together

Many say you tend to fall in love with the person you have the most fun with, which means to help stay in love you’ve got to continue to do the things you enjoyed doing together OFTEN. Spending most, if not all, of your recreational time with your significant other will keep the play and companionship at a healthy level.

Listening

Although you hang on every word while you’re first dating, after awhile, when you get comfortable or distracted by life, admit it, you can become less attentive. Basically, you forget to listen. But with a little practice and patience, you can learn to listen to each other again. Just keep the smartphones, television and wedding planning chatter out of the equation. Be generous with your attention, it’s amazing how connected you’ll both feel when you know you’ve been heard.

So remember, no matter what fabulous gifts you exchange this year with your beloved, the most important gift of all is YOU.